Happy Anniversary

When I met my husband, I was 22, so I can't claim to have been a kid. But I was very naive.I had only started to sow the few wild oats I had about 5 months before I met him. He was the first man who had ever made me feel smart and beautiful and worth something - and who I felt the same way about. I fell in love with him in 2 months and then spent another 4 years, through good and bad and all the stupid stuff in between, waiting for him to decided that not only did he love me but that he wanted to make our relationship "official".

That sounds bad. I've never questioned his love for me. Even during our worst fights, I never questioned it. What I questioned was his patience for me and mine for him. There is no lack of love - but patience sometimes runs so thin it's see-through and brittle as spun sugar.

Eight years ago today, we decided love would get us through when patience might not. My wedding is the 3rd happiest day of my life (behind the boys births), but it was absolutely the most fun. My favorite memory is when I walked up the steps to the gazebo where we were married - already crying - and Todd took my hand and told me "It's okay. I love you."

Happy Anniversary Todd. We don't always see eye to eye and our patience runs thin and our styles may be different, but it's okay. We're good goats.

I Guess I Deserved That

Last night was a bad night. The kids were wound up and over tired. I was cranky. Todd had to go back to work after bath time. Nothing seemed to go right. I felt like all I did was yell at Elwood all night. He didn't end up going to sleep until after 10:30 and by then I was upset because I had taught him a new phrase - "I can't take it anymore". I went to bed with him cuddled up next to me and wet tears on my cheeks.

So tonight, I made an effort to be Non-Yelling Mommy. I made a special dinner - breakfast actually. French toast and strawberries - what kid could complain. Things were going so much smoother.

So I said to Elwood "We're going to have a better night tonight, right?"

He replied "Yep. Where are you going?"

My husband almost choked on his french toast he was laughing so hard.

Nothing Special About Today

It wasn't a holiday.  It wasn't any one's birthday.  It didn't mark the beginning or the end of anything.  Just a normal, everyday Sunday.  But, somehow, when my husband and my boys are with me and we are playing and there is no work, no trouble, no one complaining, it seems extra special.  

We took the boys to the park for picnic of Happy Meals and then playing at the playground.  It was a little chilly in the shade (odd for the middle of May), so our picnic was a little rushed.  But once we got out into the sunshine on the playground, it was beautiful.  We were the only ones there and all you could hear were the sounds of our laughter. We slid, we climbed, we swung, we ran.  The boys allergies had their noses running, but for that hour, that was the only problem. For that hour, we weren't worried about money or jobs or cleaning.  We just had to make sure no one fell off the slide.  We just had to make sure we pushed the swings high enough.  

There aren't enough moments in life like that.  That's one of the reasons I'm resistant to change our bedtime routine.  I lie in bed with the boys every night as they go to sleep.  It's not the best way of doing things and half the time, they don't leave our bed.  But for that little time, everyday, it's just me and them watching a movie or reading a book.  I want more time like that with them.  More cuddling in bed.  More days in the park.  More family time.  

Finn's a Quick One

Elwood & Finn - BMOC

BMOC = Big Men on Campus

That's how I saw my two little guys last Friday as we participated in our local Relay for Life.  

As we walked the thru the park, kids and adults were yelling "Hello" to Elwood and Finn.  Little girls ran up and hugged them.  It was crazy.  

Even though I've lived here for 8 years (5 full time), I'm always going to be that girl from St. Louis that Todd married.  But my boys, they're natives.  They have friends, even at this stage in their young lives.  People know me as their mom - which I don't mind at all.

My husband made friends in this tiny town that he has carried with him throughout his life.  They are good men who married wonderful women who I am proud to now call my friends.  They are people he can count on, be it to fix something around the house or to support him in difficult times.  I hope that growing up in this small town, this is what my boys have to look forward to.

When "That's Not Funny" Really Is

Usually, there's a very clear line between what's  acceptable and what's not.  And while I admit to not being the most consistent about discipline, Elwood knows what is right and what is wrong - and what he should and should not say.  

However, there are times, when discipline is just not possible.  Times when the giggles overcome you and the child sees that they have won solely because of their cuteness.  

Case in point  - 

The other night, Elwood was over tired, over stimulated, and just out of control.  He was all over the furniture like a monkey on speed.  Jumping from couch to couch.  Diving off the arm of the couch.  Up and down for what seemed like hours.  Then, he set his sites on his brother.  Finn, while no longer a completely innocent victim, is still not always a willing participant in his brother's antics.  Elwood pounced on him.  There was no subtly, no stealth - just a belly flop onto his little brother.  

After pulling them apart and reprimanding Elwood, he stood, arms crossed, bottom lip out, and looked at me.  Glared is probably more appropriate.  He opened that little mouth and growled "Finn's a jert!" (For those unsure about toddler-speak, jert=jerk).

 

Well, I lost it.  I tried to look and sound stern as I told him "That's not nice.  You don't call people that", but there was just no way to keep the smile off my face and the chuckle out of my voice.  I turned to Todd, hoping for a little back up (or back bone), but there was no help there. He kept his back to me while he did dishes, his head shaking and his shoulders rocking with laughter the whole time.

When I turned back to Elwood, he had the most beautiful, triumphant grin on his face.  He knew that he had won.  So, I gave up.  I surrendered to my little monkey and I laughed until I almost cried.   

So Many Words yet No Complete Thoughts

I think I'm making this blogging thing harder than it truly is.  I've come up with countless things I could write about, yet they aren't completely formed thoughts.  A few sentences of a good idea here and there, but nothing more.  It doesn't help that my mother told me one of my entries bothered her.  I know it's just because the idea of airing your feeling for the whole world to see isn't something she's comfortable with.  But it makes me over think everything I start to put up here.

I want to hone my writing skills and find my voice.  I want to record all of the wonderful and difficult and crazy and sublime things my kids do and bring into my life.  I want to put this out there so that I can say "There it is - it's in writing - it's real".  

Maybe with the coming of spring, my brain will thaw and the ice jam will loosen in my brain and some of the thoughts can become flowing prose that I will be confident enough to post.