Wonder-full

The wonderful thing about Tiggers/

Is that Tiggers are wonderful things/

Their tops are made out of rubber/

Their bottoms are made out of springs

That phrase kept going thru my mind today as I watch my children careen from one big, inflatable play station to another.   And my second thought is "Why is this so fun that they can do it for two hours and still want to stay longer?"

After 3 days stuck in the house with either my husband, his mother and grandmother, or myself, they boys had massive cases of cabin fever.  Usually their days are spent at the babysitter's house with other kids and outside playtime.  But spring decided to spring a leak on us here in Southeast Missouri and our babysitter has been unreachable since Sunday.  While our flood issues were extremely minor compared to many of our neighbors, we still needed to find a solution to the growing boredom in our house.  

So I took the boys, via the shortest available route (which was about 50 minutes each way), to Cape and we descended on LeBounce.  It's a climate controlled bouncy house playground where they kids can run wild.  And it was just what the doctor ordered.  

They boys expended all that pent up energy and played with other kids for nearly two hours.  Finn flipped and slid.  Elwood bounced and climbed.  And as I watched them, I couldn't help but think "Why is this so fun?"   

I mean, I can understand the first time going.  It's something new.  But this is the 3rd time we've been there in the last month and every time we go in, it's like their birthday and Christmas rolled into one.  I actually had Elwood tell me "Thanks for bringing us some place cool" as he ran off to the big slide.  

I guess that's one of the wonders of childhood.  If something is fun - it's fun the first time and the third time and the fifth time.  And if something is fun, you can do it over and over again until you pass out.  

As adults, we think about the ramifications.  How much does it cost?  Do I have enough time before my next appointment?  Do I look ridiculous?   Does my ass look big as I climb that inflated rock wall?  We've forgotten how to just let go and enjoy that moment.  That one moment of pure joy and the one that follows it and the one that follows it...

That's one of the beautiful things about watching my kids.  The remind me of that.  And that, is wonder-full.   

Our Song

According to Elton John, you can tell everybody this is your song.

Apparently, Elton didn't see the list of songs Todd and I had to consider as "our song". Because of one issue or another, we were faced with a bit a dilemma when it came time to choose the song that would be the first one we danced to as man and wife.

Don't believe me? Let's review:

Strike #1 - Nine Inch Nails "Closer"

Todd would quote this song and send it as messages to me thru a third party who had no clue what he was doing. It was sweet really. The avaunt garde feel of NIN was cool, but I really thought that lines like "I wanna f**k you like an animal" didn't fit the classy vibe of our wedding. Plus, you know, my grandmother was there.

Strike #2 - Radiohead "Creep"

This would be the first (and to date last) song Todd ever dedicated to me at a Human Zoo gig. It's heartbreaking and beautiful and completely wrong for a first dance. Or a wedding in general.

Strike #3- Aerosmith "What It Takes"

We played this song on the jukebox at the Bull Tadpole in South St. Louis on our first date. And it's a break-up song. Nuff said.

Foul Ball - Paul Westerberg "Love, Untold"

On one of our first dates, Todd asked me if I liked this song and I said "Like it? I have the album." I didn't. I had never heard of it. But by the next date, I had the album and adored that song. While the most appropriate of all of our choices, it's story of missed opportunities just didn't feel right.

So we settled on Bob Dylan's "To Make You Feel My Love". It was romantic and beautiful and the fact that it was Dylan lent a quirky edge that suited us. We had "our song".

A week or so before the wedding, I got a call from Todd. He had found our song. Now, most changes this close to the wedding were unthinkable and should only have been brought up because someones life was in danger. This one, however, was actually a very sweet surprise.

When Todd heard the song "Babylon" by David Gray, he said it was us. How I was there right before him, even when he wasn't perfect. It meant so much to me that he had felt that about this song that is was a no brainer. We had a new song.

Flash forward ten years and that song is now used to torture prisoners at Guantanamo Bay.

Every time I hear it though, I smile and remember that first dance. Surrounded by family and friends, I danced in the arms of my new husband.

The Diaper Days Are Over

I knew that 2011 would be a big year for my little guys. Well, here we are, just 2/12 months in and we've already hit our first milestone.

FINN IS OFFICIALLY POTTY TRAINED!!!

I was reluctant to declare it because I didn't want to jinx us. Two months of sleeping in underwear with only a couple of accidents and I think it's safe to say that I'm out of the diaper game. The turtle potty chair has left the building!

Sorry Pampers - we've had five good years together, but it's time for you to find someone who needs you. I've grown. I'm with Hanes now. Shhh - don't say anything. It won't make me come back.

I wish I could take credit for this monumental achievement, but in reality, the majority of the credit goes to our amazing babysitter. She took the lead on this and we followed along at home. When we discovered that he would poop in the potty for her, but was asking for, and sometimes putting on his own, diaper, we knew we needed to step it up a notch. So, we borrowed a potty from the babysitter so that he would have identical ones at home and at her house. After a few rough days, he did what he was supposed to do and we were on our way.

While there is always a tinge of sadness anytime one of my boys reaches a milestone, I can't say I'm too sad to be done with diapers. Not that there weren't adorable moments of bonding during diaper changes. Elwood liked to be sung calypso and Finn liked tummy tickles. But the gross factor usually out weighed the cute factor, so good riddance!

Plus now, I can send them to the bathroom with Todd when we're out and you know he loves that! ;-)

The Bedtime Blues

Scene: A wizened old blues man sitting on a bench on a front porch. It's a humid night in the bayou. As the crickets chirp, and the soft wind blows, the man begins to sing. Cue music:

(Ba dum da dum)
Gonna sing you a song
(Ba dum da dum)
'Bout the bedtime blues
(Ba dum da dum)
'Bout two little boys, who don't want to follow the rules.

Oooo, well they not sleeping
And Mama is weeping
And Daddy he don't, well he don't know what to do.

Yeah we all, we all, we all
Got the bedtime blues

Usually, I leave the musical expression to my husband, but I felt that there was no better way to express the hell that our current sleep issues are than to sing the blues.

We've always had sleep issues in our house. We co-slept with Elwood and from that point on, one of the four of us usually sleep poorly - usually, me or Todd.

Over the summer, we got Elwood to sleep in his bed by himself for a WHOLE MONTH. He was rewarded with a trip to the water park and we thought "Ah, one down, one to go."

Not so much .

We have days, even whole weeks at a time, where he wants to go to bed "like a big boy" and he does it just fine. But soon enough, he "needs" somebody to lay down with him or I find it easier to lay down with both boys rather than try and get them down separately. Any progress we make goes right down the tubes.

The last few nights have been particularly bad, however, and Todd and I are at a loss.

One or both of the boys have been up til 11:00 p.m. or so for the last several nights. And when I say up, I don't mean fighting sleep while cuddled up watching a Disney movie. I mean running, jumping, jabbering insanity. Elwood becomes "Chatty Cathy" around 9:30 or so and doesn't stop.

And then there's Finn's temper tantrums. They are partly due to the speech delay and his frustration. They are also partly related to him being the reincarnation of Genghis Khan. He is turning into a little bully and when he doesn't get what he wants, when he wants it, he's sure to let you know his displeasure. Those kick in as soon as you try to make him lie down.

I don't quite know what to do. I'm hoping that whatever has gotten into them passes soon. I'm not sure how much more of this we can take.

Until then, I guess I'll be singing the blues.

Or crying in the fetal position under my desk at work.

(Ba dum da dum)

The Birthday Story

Every year, starting on November 29th, I tell Elwood the story of his birth while we cuddle at bedtime. The three night story starts with my 2nd ultra sound and ends with the first kiss I gave him.

It is a story of beginnings - his life, our family, my journey as a Mommy. To him, it's just Mommy talking and stroking his hair softly as we settle in for the night. To me, it is the most important story I have to tell him.

It is a story that continues to be written with every milestone, every holiday, every time he flashes that beautiful, devilish grin and bats those big brown eyes.

He is smart and funny and can be incredibly thoughtful. I have seen him sing his baby brother to sleep when no one else could console him. He is generous with his hugs and kisses.

He is also stubborn and defiant. He is my summer storm. The air becomes thick and hot and you know something is coming. Then, the dark clouds gather, the water pours down, lightening crashes and thunder booms. As soon as all that energy has been depleted, the sky clears, the rain stops and the world is cooler and fresher.

I say frequently that I was meant to be a mother. The good days are more fun than the bad ones, but I've come to accept that you can not have one without the other. That's one of the lessons Elwood taught me. He has taught me so much - and here I thought I was the one who was supposed to be teaching him.

Happy 5th Birthday to my Big Boy! Thank you for making me a Mommy.

Thanks - For Nothing

We had a wonderful weekend earlier this month. On Friday, after work, we surprised the boys by taking them out for cheeseburgers and a movie. On Saturday, we cleaned, Todd worked, the boys played, and after dinner (which no one complained about), Todd and Elwood played Wii while Finn and I watched. Sunday was more of the same and after wonder pork roast dinner shared with Grandma Whitehead, we all cuddled in bed for a movie.

I've never in my life been more grateful for nothing. Nothing to do, no where to go, no one to see. We just spent time with each other and enjoyed being a family.

I started thinking and realized that so many of the things that I am thankful for involve the letters n-o.

So, here a short list of the few things that I am thankful for.

I am thankful that NOne of my brothers are overseas anymore and that both are home with their families.

I am thankful that my children have NO health problems.

I am thankful that in quiet moments, I have NOthing but love for my husband (in loud ones, NOt so much, but that's okay).

I am thankful for when Finn says "NO" (but it's cuter when he says "pumpkin patch").

This year, I will give thanks for NOthing (and for everything).

The Sum of Her Years

36 years.

432 months.

1872 weeks.

13,104 days.

314,496 hours.

For the record, I hate math. But our lives are defined by numbers. Our age. The number of years we've been married. How old our children are. How long we've worked or lived somewhere. How long it's been since we graduated from high school. How many friends we have on Facebook. Numbers, always numbers.

But the numbers represent so much more than a finite unit of measurement. The numbers represent people and places who shape us. They form our life's equation

I have lived in 3 states, in 8 houses I called home.

I have spent 18 months pregnant and 15 months nursing.

I have spent countless hours driving north and south on Hwy. 55 between St. Louis and Cape Girardeau.

I spent at least 22 4th of July's watching fireworks on the beach in front of the Blarney Stone (and once, I made love to my husband in the same spot.)

In my mind, I can still count the number of stop lights between the house on Carew Street that we lived in and Lang Street where E-A lived (5, but it's been a long time since I've been there.)

Every Christmas, for at least 30 years, I have watched the Rankin/Bass "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer".

I have met one sitting President (and when I say met, I mean in a small room with about 20 people and Secret Service and he asked my name and had I been thinking clearly I could have said something profound and I have the picture to prove it - signed in gold ink!).

I have two beautiful little boys who drive me insane and then make my heart burst with joy within the span of 30 seconds at least 50 times a day.

I have one handsome husband who drives me insane and then makes my heart burst with joy within the span of 30 seconds at least 50 times a day.

I have a family tree with many, many branches that continues to grow every year.

So what does all of this add up to? Me - Cara Lucia Winslow Mayberry, born September 30, 1974 in New Hartford, NY.

Some days, I wish it added up to someone else. But every once in while, I think I rock. And as I get older, I have more of those days. So bring it on - I'm ready to do some more addition.