The Sum of Her Years

36 years.

432 months.

1872 weeks.

13,104 days.

314,496 hours.

For the record, I hate math. But our lives are defined by numbers. Our age. The number of years we've been married. How old our children are. How long we've worked or lived somewhere. How long it's been since we graduated from high school. How many friends we have on Facebook. Numbers, always numbers.

But the numbers represent so much more than a finite unit of measurement. The numbers represent people and places who shape us. They form our life's equation

I have lived in 3 states, in 8 houses I called home.

I have spent 18 months pregnant and 15 months nursing.

I have spent countless hours driving north and south on Hwy. 55 between St. Louis and Cape Girardeau.

I spent at least 22 4th of July's watching fireworks on the beach in front of the Blarney Stone (and once, I made love to my husband in the same spot.)

In my mind, I can still count the number of stop lights between the house on Carew Street that we lived in and Lang Street where E-A lived (5, but it's been a long time since I've been there.)

Every Christmas, for at least 30 years, I have watched the Rankin/Bass "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer".

I have met one sitting President (and when I say met, I mean in a small room with about 20 people and Secret Service and he asked my name and had I been thinking clearly I could have said something profound and I have the picture to prove it - signed in gold ink!).

I have two beautiful little boys who drive me insane and then make my heart burst with joy within the span of 30 seconds at least 50 times a day.

I have one handsome husband who drives me insane and then makes my heart burst with joy within the span of 30 seconds at least 50 times a day.

I have a family tree with many, many branches that continues to grow every year.

So what does all of this add up to? Me - Cara Lucia Winslow Mayberry, born September 30, 1974 in New Hartford, NY.

Some days, I wish it added up to someone else. But every once in while, I think I rock. And as I get older, I have more of those days. So bring it on - I'm ready to do some more addition.

Dear Finn...

While I don't want to write something that someday, you might look back at and be completely mortified by, I do want you to know how you were meant to be to complete our family.

Daddy and I had just decided that we were going to try for another child. We weren't sure if we were ready, but we knew that if we were going to, we needed to start trying. About a week later you were conceived. On the first try. Thanks to good timing and Elwood sleeping late, you were conceived on December 15, 2006.

My pregnancy was wonderful. None of the issues that I had when I was pregnant with your brother arose, so not only did I love being pregnant, I felt pretty good this time around. I would talk to you while I was at work and make you move if I felt you had been too quiet. And everyone enjoyed Mommy's cravings - especially all the late night s'mores that Daddy and Elwood and I had many, many times.

You were born without complications. Just a beautiful, perfect little boy. You nursed like a champ from the very beginning. I loved holding you, cuddled against my chest, and watch your big, questioning eyes take in the world around you.

I know that things haven't been as smooth since then. But you amaze me every day with your progress. I know you get frustrated that Mommy and Daddy don't always understand you, but know this. We love you so very, very much. The moment you came into our lives, our family was complete. We had no idea how much we could love both you and Elwood, but you made our hearts grow and continue to every day.

Happy Birthday baby. You are my sunshine.