Ten

I don't know what  to say.  Being speechless (or wordless) is not something I suffer from frequently.  But today I am.

I thought about reminiscing about my wedding day.  I thought about talking about what it took to get to that moment where we said "I do".  I thought about trying to relive every moment of our truly kick ass reception.  But none of it felt right.

So, I think I'm going to keep this short and sweet.  Ten years ago Todd and I became a family.  And from that tiny family of two, we have grown to four with our beautiful, precocious boys - one who looks like him and one who looks like me. 

While nothing is easy and no one is perfect, I wouldn't trade the last 10 years for anything.

Happy Anniversary Todd - you are my love and life.

First Date

Not only did you call, but you actually wanted to go out with me.  On a date.

How did I manage this?  A really, really good looking guy who was smart, who agreed (mostly) with my politics, who wasn't a dork AND who played in rock 'n' roll band?  Guys like you didn't date girls like the person I thought I was back then. 

Euphoria gave way to complete and total panic!

You did research.  You called a mutual acquaintance to find out where to take me. You chose Me Kong on South Grand.  It was perfect.

I gave you bad directions to my house.  You said it was cute.  I figured this was our first and last date. 

I wore black jeans, my tight white t-shirt, and a bright pink cardigan (the first of many that you would come to loathe).  You wore a vest and purple t-shirt and jeans.  Your hair fell in your eyes. 

We talked about music and politics and music.  We went to The Bull Tadpole for drinks after dinner.  We played "What It Takes" by Aerosmith on the jukebox - a break up song of all things!

You took me home.  My parents refused to leave the living room while we sat in the family room.  When they finally gave up and went to bed, I desperately wanted to make out with you, but you wouldn't do more than kiss me a few times.  

When you left, I was sure I'd never see you again.  

Apparently, I was wrong.  Fifteen years, two weddings and two children later, you're still here. 

When They Ask

When the boys ask about that dark day, as they are bound to do, we will tell them what we remember.  We will tell them about the unfathomable destruction and loss of life.  We will tell them about the acts of bravery and selflessness.  We will tell them that suddenly, there was a "Before" and an "After".  We will try to explain things we don't even understand.  

When they ask about the years in between, we'll point them to the examples set by their uncles and their service to their country.  We will tell them about the ones that didn't come home.  We will tell them about the good that was done and the mistakes that were made.   We will try to explain things we don't even understand. 

When they ask about last night and the news that came as they slept, we will teach them that evil should never be allowed to flourish.  We will teach them that violence should not be celebrated, but to understand that is the only response in extreme circumstances to ensure justice.  We will teach them that loving and respecting each other are the true paths to peace.  We will try to explain things we don't even understand, but we will try.

I Remember

The first time I saw you - standing behind a table full of literature in a ballroom at the Henry VIII hotel. 

The second time I saw you - walking out of the Ramada Inn in Columbia, MO a couple of weeks later. 

The formal introduction - later that night in the crowded hotel hallway.  David Witte introduced us and you offered to get me another beer.  You claim that's what won me over. 

The first time I swooned - when you asked if I knew who was playing at Riverport that summer and I responded "Cheap Trick" (expecting some kidding).  Your earnest enthusiasm for my favorite band had me hooked. 

The Boones Farm - Peach, straight from the bottle.  (Makes me a little queasy to think about it now.)

The first kiss - your crooked, tipsy smile as you leaned in. 

The embarrassingly naive attempt at seduction - "I'll show you how big a girl I am."  You still giggle about that and I still blush. 

The goodbye - when neither of us had a pen so I tore one of my checks in half to give you my phone number.  Years later, I found it was still in your wallet. 

Fifteen years ago, I was sure you wouldn't call.  

But you did.  You did. 

Wonder-full

The wonderful thing about Tiggers/

Is that Tiggers are wonderful things/

Their tops are made out of rubber/

Their bottoms are made out of springs

That phrase kept going thru my mind today as I watch my children careen from one big, inflatable play station to another.   And my second thought is "Why is this so fun that they can do it for two hours and still want to stay longer?"

After 3 days stuck in the house with either my husband, his mother and grandmother, or myself, they boys had massive cases of cabin fever.  Usually their days are spent at the babysitter's house with other kids and outside playtime.  But spring decided to spring a leak on us here in Southeast Missouri and our babysitter has been unreachable since Sunday.  While our flood issues were extremely minor compared to many of our neighbors, we still needed to find a solution to the growing boredom in our house.  

So I took the boys, via the shortest available route (which was about 50 minutes each way), to Cape and we descended on LeBounce.  It's a climate controlled bouncy house playground where they kids can run wild.  And it was just what the doctor ordered.  

They boys expended all that pent up energy and played with other kids for nearly two hours.  Finn flipped and slid.  Elwood bounced and climbed.  And as I watched them, I couldn't help but think "Why is this so fun?"   

I mean, I can understand the first time going.  It's something new.  But this is the 3rd time we've been there in the last month and every time we go in, it's like their birthday and Christmas rolled into one.  I actually had Elwood tell me "Thanks for bringing us some place cool" as he ran off to the big slide.  

I guess that's one of the wonders of childhood.  If something is fun - it's fun the first time and the third time and the fifth time.  And if something is fun, you can do it over and over again until you pass out.  

As adults, we think about the ramifications.  How much does it cost?  Do I have enough time before my next appointment?  Do I look ridiculous?   Does my ass look big as I climb that inflated rock wall?  We've forgotten how to just let go and enjoy that moment.  That one moment of pure joy and the one that follows it and the one that follows it...

That's one of the beautiful things about watching my kids.  The remind me of that.  And that, is wonder-full.   

Our Song

According to Elton John, you can tell everybody this is your song.

Apparently, Elton didn't see the list of songs Todd and I had to consider as "our song". Because of one issue or another, we were faced with a bit a dilemma when it came time to choose the song that would be the first one we danced to as man and wife.

Don't believe me? Let's review:

Strike #1 - Nine Inch Nails "Closer"

Todd would quote this song and send it as messages to me thru a third party who had no clue what he was doing. It was sweet really. The avaunt garde feel of NIN was cool, but I really thought that lines like "I wanna f**k you like an animal" didn't fit the classy vibe of our wedding. Plus, you know, my grandmother was there.

Strike #2 - Radiohead "Creep"

This would be the first (and to date last) song Todd ever dedicated to me at a Human Zoo gig. It's heartbreaking and beautiful and completely wrong for a first dance. Or a wedding in general.

Strike #3- Aerosmith "What It Takes"

We played this song on the jukebox at the Bull Tadpole in South St. Louis on our first date. And it's a break-up song. Nuff said.

Foul Ball - Paul Westerberg "Love, Untold"

On one of our first dates, Todd asked me if I liked this song and I said "Like it? I have the album." I didn't. I had never heard of it. But by the next date, I had the album and adored that song. While the most appropriate of all of our choices, it's story of missed opportunities just didn't feel right.

So we settled on Bob Dylan's "To Make You Feel My Love". It was romantic and beautiful and the fact that it was Dylan lent a quirky edge that suited us. We had "our song".

A week or so before the wedding, I got a call from Todd. He had found our song. Now, most changes this close to the wedding were unthinkable and should only have been brought up because someones life was in danger. This one, however, was actually a very sweet surprise.

When Todd heard the song "Babylon" by David Gray, he said it was us. How I was there right before him, even when he wasn't perfect. It meant so much to me that he had felt that about this song that is was a no brainer. We had a new song.

Flash forward ten years and that song is now used to torture prisoners at Guantanamo Bay.

Every time I hear it though, I smile and remember that first dance. Surrounded by family and friends, I danced in the arms of my new husband.

The Diaper Days Are Over

I knew that 2011 would be a big year for my little guys. Well, here we are, just 2/12 months in and we've already hit our first milestone.

FINN IS OFFICIALLY POTTY TRAINED!!!

I was reluctant to declare it because I didn't want to jinx us. Two months of sleeping in underwear with only a couple of accidents and I think it's safe to say that I'm out of the diaper game. The turtle potty chair has left the building!

Sorry Pampers - we've had five good years together, but it's time for you to find someone who needs you. I've grown. I'm with Hanes now. Shhh - don't say anything. It won't make me come back.

I wish I could take credit for this monumental achievement, but in reality, the majority of the credit goes to our amazing babysitter. She took the lead on this and we followed along at home. When we discovered that he would poop in the potty for her, but was asking for, and sometimes putting on his own, diaper, we knew we needed to step it up a notch. So, we borrowed a potty from the babysitter so that he would have identical ones at home and at her house. After a few rough days, he did what he was supposed to do and we were on our way.

While there is always a tinge of sadness anytime one of my boys reaches a milestone, I can't say I'm too sad to be done with diapers. Not that there weren't adorable moments of bonding during diaper changes. Elwood liked to be sung calypso and Finn liked tummy tickles. But the gross factor usually out weighed the cute factor, so good riddance!

Plus now, I can send them to the bathroom with Todd when we're out and you know he loves that! ;-)